realised it has been almost a month since I updated this blog. well, to put it plainly, the past weeks has been fun. been going out with frens for movies, drinks, outings, and stuff. crazy bunch of wackos. fun loving but yet not crazy type of fun lovers. so its still ok. been spending more than previously, but still manageable.
something happened today, my favorite nephew was involved in a bike accident. fractured his leg. his parents rushed back to hometown to see him. sent a msg to the one person who i could talk to about almost anything and everything, yet didnt get a reply from her. guess she was sleeping. things have been improving since the last few months since we broke up, i have more time for my family, my friends, my photography, and i dont think of her much, and yes, if you are wondering, it doesnt hurt anymore, at least not at much as to think of it as painful.things happened and passed, we move on. and that's what I am doing now. I hope she is too. It is only painful when I see how she still hasnt gotten over it and still hasnt find what she really wants yet. I only did cried once since the official breakup when kit told me that her mum and family misses me and her mum is still worried about me after all these months. yes, i do miss them too. when it comes to time like this, i do miss how easy I could talk to her and i can picture her expessions, her body gestures and how her responses will be if she is here with me tonight.
had a conversation earlier today with dad, he was asking if I have a new girlfriend yet. no, I said. wanna enjoy single life for sometime more before I commit myself again. come to think of it, its not really the reason. reason is I dont know where i'll be going from here and when and how. I've been saying I dont want to stay here for long, but how soon can I leave here? to where exactly? what should I do next ? should I really go back and set up the bridal studio at hometown? somehow, there's still a nagging from my inner self that portraiture photography, especially bridal studio type may
not be what i really want to do and
can do. yet, its the more convenient way out for me, since my partners have the capital to back me up and I can be back to my family at home and settle at my home where I can really start to treat it as
home again after almost 7 years of travelling. I could never treat my room at home as really my own room. it was and still has always been more like a hotel room for me when I am back home during holidays. and I guess its time for me to spend more time with my dad since my family says his memories are slowing down lately. if i am home i can send him to places he want to go rather than he ride his own bike. yet, this whole partnership may not work. guess its only fair that things are not always laid out for you nicely, its you who put all the pieces together and make them work and keep working at them to make sure they still works fine.
I need someone, and yet not anyone.
ahtiow
