I just keep on telling you the things that you didnt wanna hear, you told me before that you dont want to hear them, but I still keep repeating them, as if with each repetitions, you will be able to grasp a little bit more of what I am feeling deep inside of me. But instead of keep telling those things that you hate to hear, I should really keep reminding myself that if hurts you so much everytime I say those things. Maybe I should grasp more of how hurtful the stabbing that I caused in your chest every time I do those things rather than hoping you could grasp the worst fear that I have inside of me.
I have all your supports and faith, it should be enough for me. I know that, and I thank you for that.
But, I don't have anything for you. And I hate myself for that.
Everytime that you cry, you melts everything within me. You made everything stop and the world listens to you and you only. Your mumbles, even when most of them are undecipherable, they only say one thing out loud: "我需要我老公！！！！！！“
I know I don't say them often enough, but it's true, I need you as much as you need me.
Everytime I am lost, you guide me back to our paths.
Everytime I float, you bring me back to the ground.
Everytime I stoop, you hold my head up and straightens my shoulder.
I know I shouldn't say this, but I will say it once only, "Sometimes you make me feel like I don't deserve you......"
There, I said it, and I am slapping myself for writing it down. The only reason that I wrote that down is to remind me that instead of thinking of the things that my man-ego demands me to think, I should constantly tell myself that I should make things works out the best for us both.
And I shall make you happy. As happy as you were when we first met.
Then, and only then, we will be back to our honeymoon period.
I love you, Lougong.
