errr.........ummm.............oh well........

so, christmas was here and passed. new year was here and we're a decade into the 2000, and so.....errr...........then........ahtiow got interrupted while blogging and he didnt know what to write anymore........

you can easily tell from their eyes and body movement when someone wanted to talk work with you when they know that you are not ready to start work.......=P

anyway, happy new year guys, for all of you who have made any resolutions, work hard on keeping the resolutions, (resolutions are always good ones rite? and its always good to keep working hard on something), for those who didnt, well, still gotta work hard for the better rite?

Cheers!
ahtiow

A random story

Came across this article from a book I am reading now. It has been circulating on the net for some time now.

Once there was a bad tempered little boy, who was dreadfully stubborn, flying constantly into rages, smashing and hitting things. One day, his father took the child by the hand and led him to the fence at the back of their garden, saying: "Son, from now on, every time you lose your temper at home,knock a nail into the fence. Then after a while you can see how many times you've lost your temper, all right?". The child thought, 'What's to be afraid of? I'll give it a try'. After that, every time he threw a tantrum, he knocked a nail into the fence, and when he came a day later to look, he felt a it embarrassed: 'Oh! All those nails! Heaps of them!'

His father said: "Do you see? You have to control yourself. If you manage not to lose your temper for a whole day, you can pull out one of the nails from the fence." The boy thought, If I lose my temper once then I have to hammer in a nail, but I have to go for a whole day without losing my temper before I can pull one out - that's really difficult! And yet, to get rid of the nails, he had to keep himself constantly under control.

At the start, the boy found it terribly difficult, but by the time he had pulled all the nails out of the fence, he suddenly realized that he had learned how to control himself. He went happily to his father, saying: "Daddy, quick come and look , there are no more nails in the fence, and I don't lose my temper any more!"

The father went with the boy to stand next to the fence, and said in a voice full of significance: "Look, son, the nails in the fence have all been pulled out, but the holes will stay there for ever. Every time you lose your temper with your family, it drives a hole into their hearts. But you can never make the hole disappear.

Personally, I don't like how the story end. I would have end it with this:

The father went with the boy to stand next to the fence, and said in a voice full of significance: "Look, son, the nails in the fence have all been pulled out, but the holes will stay there for ever. Every time you lose your temper with your family, it drives a hole into their hearts. Yet, in the end of the day, the fence will still stand here for you. "

sudden.

Am having the random bout of anxiety again this afternoon. It just come out of the blue just like that. Sometimes you may try to think of the reason why. Was it the thought of that someone who is ill? Was it the thought that the someone whom you wish to be more loving of herself is not doing what you hoped against hope that she does? Was it the thought of you yourself being in the midst of all this and yet cant do anything much? Was it the thought of how amazing she is and just how much the whole family loves her and that I may be being unfair to let her in to my life when things are so messy around me? Or it could be a bit of everything? Don't know.

Anyway, tonight's gonna be one of the many first's for me, tonights' gonna be the first night for as long as I could remember when I will be watching a movie at a theater with my family, not the whole family, only 6 of us, but that's still good enough. =)

Spending time with family is one of the many essentials in life.

Cheers,
ahtiow

Before this, whenever people I see someone who is sick, and people around him tells me how different he was then, I could only imagine. Seeing my brother in law, after 38 times of chemo, not being able to eat or drink for almost 2 months now, lets me see for the first time, just how different a person can be when sick.

Putting the physical differences aside, you can only barely get some glimpse of the person that he used to be now. His eyes are so tired and full of pain now, and at the same time, the look of helplessness. Doesn’t matter how close we are to him, how painful we think he is now, how much we wanted him to be better, only he could grasp the pain that he is in now. We can only sympathise and wait.

Before this, when they told me he didn’t want to eat, I told them to force him to eat cause he need the strength to go through his chemos, and the fact that he almost didn’t eat or drink for almost 2 months now is too worrying, but his eyes tells me that didn’t want things to be that way either.

Try as much as I can, I can only try to imagine how it is like when the simplest act of everyday life of eating and drinking, even when its just plain porridge and water, has become another rounds of daily agonies that he has to go through.
Now , I see, and I could only see, and he is going through all that.

ahtiow

edit: Was walking to the living room from the toilet after I wrote this entry, and he was walking towards the toilet, was stunned by the sight of him and I cant recognise him at all. Like a total stranger who doesnt belong here. =(

A question

A question: When something went wrong at work, do you try to find out what went wrong and who was supposed to be the last one to check whether it was working or do you start to think who might be sabotaging the thing?

If your colleague’s first reaction was to get suspicious and start thinking who is the bugger who tries to sabotage the system, what does that tells you of this colleague of you? Can you still be as friendly and talk openly to him as friend as you have always done?

I don't know. Guess I don't wanna know too.

ahtiow

ahtiow is aging.

ahtiow is aging. Yes.

Zouk Out and Siloso Beach Party is happening within the next 2 weeks and both are literally less than 5 minutes walk from my workplace. Yet, I didnt go.

This thought struck me when I was struggling to keep my eyes open in the vet lab checking emails, and there he was, my colleague, a father of 2 kids, blasting away on youtube checking out the DJ lineup for tonight's Zouk Out and calling his fellow partygoers discussing which DJs to look out for.

That prompted me to flashback to when was the last time I went clubbing and lo and behold! It was like somewhere in the 1st year or 2nd year of my uni time. That was like at least 4 or 5 years ago! OMFG!! Am I old or am I aging?! hahahhahahah!!

Anyway, dont care. Booo!!! I started music with rock and a rocker I shall remain .....=P

Techno, house, hip hop was once and over with =)

Rock on!!
ahtiow

What would you do?

What would you do when the fireworks bursts in full colours and glory and excitement and full of 'ooohhhhhs.......and aaaahhhhhhhhs........'?

Would you hold your loved one or would you try to make the shot a perfect one ?

Can I do both ? =P

ahtiow