Doing everything that I believe in
Going by the rules that I've been taught
More understanding of what's around me
And protected from the walls of love
All that you see is me
And all I truly believe
That I was born to try
I've learned to love
Be understanding
And believe in life
But you've got to make choices
Be wrong or right
Sometimes you've got to sacrifice the things you like
But I was born to try
No point in talking what you should have been
And regretting the things that went on
Life's full of mistakes, destinies and fate
Remove the clouds look at the bigger picture
And all that you see is me
And all I truly believe
That I was born to try
I've learned to love
Be understanding
And believe in life
But you've got to make choices
Be wrong or right
Sometimes you've got to sacrifice the things you like
But I was born to try
All that you see is me
All I truly believe
All that you see is me
And all I truly believe
That I was born to try
I've learned to love
Be understanding
And believe in life
But you've got to make choices
Be wrong or right
Sometimes you've got to sacrifice the things you like
But I was born to try
But you've got to make choices
Be wrong or right
Sometimes you've got to sacrifice the things you like
But I was born to try
Born to try - Delta Goodrem
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
reminisced, emo-ed....
was looking at some photos of us together on my phone. we were so lovely together. so much in love with each other. the way you put your arms around me, the silly poses and expressions you put when you were with me, the closeness of us 2 lovebirds being together on a world of our own, yeah, those were good times and we both moved on from that. the 2 voice recordings you recorded on my phone were so full of fun and love. time is an amazing thing. changes are inevitable. We have both decided to move on and its our responsibility to ourselves now to make things better. Make it the next best thing to happen to both of us after the 'us' in the past.
reminisced, emo-ed, written down the emotions, and now lighter....
ahtiow
reminisced, emo-ed, written down the emotions, and now lighter....
ahtiow
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Be beautiful.
was at a malay bridal fashion show last nite. was there from 4pm till 10pm. saw the preparations, the making ups, the table arrangements, the talks by the big shot, the waitings of the models to get their faces drawn, and all the usual hullaballoos of an event such as this. got a lil bored, sat there looking, observing. was wondering what time did the make up artist and the models started to get ready for the night's event? 2pm? 12 noon? or earlier than that? all for the 10 mins of catwalk down a makeshift red carpet with 12 other models. Will all the eyes be on you? or its your own eyes thats on you all the time? being self-concious cos you are supposed to be so?
the thing that struck me to think of all these was: those models are not professional models. neither do I think the make up artist is (who is a friend of my friend who brought me in to document his works). I wouldnt have think this much if these people are pros, being paid to do all these stuff. Those so called models last night were just there for being beautiful and glamorous for the 10 mins and get some nice pictures to show their friends and family and for keepsake. is this really what they need? to be beautiful for a brief period of time? Do we have to dress up 2 hrs earlier for a dinner at a fancy restaurant, being self-concious all the time cos we think we are to be observed by people around our table and those that we walked past? won't they be too busy doing these same things that you are doing to pay enough attention to you? another wonders of things that us humans do.
They'll be making sure you stay amused
They'll fill you up with drugs and booze
Maybe you'll make the evening news
And when you're tripping
over your dreams
They'll keep you down by any means
and by the end of the night
you'll be stifling your screams
Since you became a VIPerson
It's like your problems have all worsened
Your paranoia casts aspersions
On the truths you know
And they'll just put you in the spotlight
And hope that you'll do alright
Or maybe not
Now why do you wanna go
and put starz in their eyes?
Why do you wanna go
and put starz in their eyes?
So why do you wanna go
and put starz in their eyes?
Now why do you wanna go
and put starz in their eyes?
"Starz in Their Eyes" - Just Jack
Cheers
ahtiow
the thing that struck me to think of all these was: those models are not professional models. neither do I think the make up artist is (who is a friend of my friend who brought me in to document his works). I wouldnt have think this much if these people are pros, being paid to do all these stuff. Those so called models last night were just there for being beautiful and glamorous for the 10 mins and get some nice pictures to show their friends and family and for keepsake. is this really what they need? to be beautiful for a brief period of time? Do we have to dress up 2 hrs earlier for a dinner at a fancy restaurant, being self-concious all the time cos we think we are to be observed by people around our table and those that we walked past? won't they be too busy doing these same things that you are doing to pay enough attention to you? another wonders of things that us humans do.
They'll be making sure you stay amused
They'll fill you up with drugs and booze
Maybe you'll make the evening news
And when you're tripping
over your dreams
They'll keep you down by any means
and by the end of the night
you'll be stifling your screams
Since you became a VIPerson
It's like your problems have all worsened
Your paranoia casts aspersions
On the truths you know
And they'll just put you in the spotlight
And hope that you'll do alright
Or maybe not
Now why do you wanna go
and put starz in their eyes?
Why do you wanna go
and put starz in their eyes?
So why do you wanna go
and put starz in their eyes?
Now why do you wanna go
and put starz in their eyes?
"Starz in Their Eyes" - Just Jack
Cheers
ahtiow
Monday, April 27, 2009
lost
lost
adj.
1. Unable to find one's way: a lost child.
2.
a. No longer in the possession, care, or control of someone or something
b. No longer in existence; vanished or spent
c. No longer known or practiced: a lost art.
d. Beyond reach, communication, or influence
3. Not used to one's benefit or advantage: a lost opportunity.
been doing some thinking. where do I belong? Singapore? Teluk Intan? Kota? Mabul? or neither? or all? Or should I really need an answer to this? The food that I loved in TI tasted different now, the drinks sucks big time in TI, weather sucks. Cant help wondering where do I fit? How should I fit? I'm kinda lost now. Is it ok to be lost at where I am now?
adj.
1. Unable to find one's way: a lost child.
2.
a. No longer in the possession, care, or control of someone or something
b. No longer in existence; vanished or spent
c. No longer known or practiced: a lost art.
d. Beyond reach, communication, or influence
3. Not used to one's benefit or advantage: a lost opportunity.
been doing some thinking. where do I belong? Singapore? Teluk Intan? Kota? Mabul? or neither? or all? Or should I really need an answer to this? The food that I loved in TI tasted different now, the drinks sucks big time in TI, weather sucks. Cant help wondering where do I fit? How should I fit? I'm kinda lost now. Is it ok to be lost at where I am now?
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
update on 14.04.2009
realised it has been almost a month since I updated this blog. well, to put it plainly, the past weeks has been fun. been going out with frens for movies, drinks, outings, and stuff. crazy bunch of wackos. fun loving but yet not crazy type of fun lovers. so its still ok. been spending more than previously, but still manageable.
something happened today, my favorite nephew was involved in a bike accident. fractured his leg. his parents rushed back to hometown to see him. sent a msg to the one person who i could talk to about almost anything and everything, yet didnt get a reply from her. guess she was sleeping. things have been improving since the last few months since we broke up, i have more time for my family, my friends, my photography, and i dont think of her much, and yes, if you are wondering, it doesnt hurt anymore, at least not at much as to think of it as painful.things happened and passed, we move on. and that's what I am doing now. I hope she is too. It is only painful when I see how she still hasnt gotten over it and still hasnt find what she really wants yet. I only did cried once since the official breakup when kit told me that her mum and family misses me and her mum is still worried about me after all these months. yes, i do miss them too. when it comes to time like this, i do miss how easy I could talk to her and i can picture her expessions, her body gestures and how her responses will be if she is here with me tonight.
had a conversation earlier today with dad, he was asking if I have a new girlfriend yet. no, I said. wanna enjoy single life for sometime more before I commit myself again. come to think of it, its not really the reason. reason is I dont know where i'll be going from here and when and how. I've been saying I dont want to stay here for long, but how soon can I leave here? to where exactly? what should I do next ? should I really go back and set up the bridal studio at hometown? somehow, there's still a nagging from my inner self that portraiture photography, especially bridal studio type may not be what i really want to do and can do. yet, its the more convenient way out for me, since my partners have the capital to back me up and I can be back to my family at home and settle at my home where I can really start to treat it as home again after almost 7 years of travelling. I could never treat my room at home as really my own room. it was and still has always been more like a hotel room for me when I am back home during holidays. and I guess its time for me to spend more time with my dad since my family says his memories are slowing down lately. if i am home i can send him to places he want to go rather than he ride his own bike. yet, this whole partnership may not work. guess its only fair that things are not always laid out for you nicely, its you who put all the pieces together and make them work and keep working at them to make sure they still works fine.
I need someone, and yet not anyone.
ahtiow
something happened today, my favorite nephew was involved in a bike accident. fractured his leg. his parents rushed back to hometown to see him. sent a msg to the one person who i could talk to about almost anything and everything, yet didnt get a reply from her. guess she was sleeping. things have been improving since the last few months since we broke up, i have more time for my family, my friends, my photography, and i dont think of her much, and yes, if you are wondering, it doesnt hurt anymore, at least not at much as to think of it as painful.things happened and passed, we move on. and that's what I am doing now. I hope she is too. It is only painful when I see how she still hasnt gotten over it and still hasnt find what she really wants yet. I only did cried once since the official breakup when kit told me that her mum and family misses me and her mum is still worried about me after all these months. yes, i do miss them too. when it comes to time like this, i do miss how easy I could talk to her and i can picture her expessions, her body gestures and how her responses will be if she is here with me tonight.
had a conversation earlier today with dad, he was asking if I have a new girlfriend yet. no, I said. wanna enjoy single life for sometime more before I commit myself again. come to think of it, its not really the reason. reason is I dont know where i'll be going from here and when and how. I've been saying I dont want to stay here for long, but how soon can I leave here? to where exactly? what should I do next ? should I really go back and set up the bridal studio at hometown? somehow, there's still a nagging from my inner self that portraiture photography, especially bridal studio type may not be what i really want to do and can do. yet, its the more convenient way out for me, since my partners have the capital to back me up and I can be back to my family at home and settle at my home where I can really start to treat it as home again after almost 7 years of travelling. I could never treat my room at home as really my own room. it was and still has always been more like a hotel room for me when I am back home during holidays. and I guess its time for me to spend more time with my dad since my family says his memories are slowing down lately. if i am home i can send him to places he want to go rather than he ride his own bike. yet, this whole partnership may not work. guess its only fair that things are not always laid out for you nicely, its you who put all the pieces together and make them work and keep working at them to make sure they still works fine.
I need someone, and yet not anyone.
ahtiow
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
pathethic
pathetic
adj.
1. Arousing or capable of arousing sympathetic sadness and compassion
2. distressingly inadequate
Work is but a part of life. It‘s not and it shouldn’t be something that takes the life away from you. Some people take work so seriously that they give up big parts of their everyday life in the works, so much so that at the end of the day, they don’t even stop to question themselves if they are happy with the way things are. There are even people who are so much into their works that all it alters their behavior in front of people, at work, and after work. Just why so, well, the way I look at it, it’s yet another irony of the way things have been running since civilization. Is this part of life? Well, yes and no. Yes for as long as we are still in the system, the system and everything in and around the system will inevitably steer things towards the way of the system as the way of life. No, for its just a small part of life, not life in its all encompassing sense. There’s more things to it than those screwy stuff that’s part and parcels of working life. There should be more hours spent off work than at work, there should be things at work that are connected to our life, not disconnect us from it, there should be friends at work, not foes, colleagues should be our friends even after work, not someone that you dread to even say ‘Good Morning’ to, there shouldn’t be a barrier between people working together, rather there should be bonds that makes us clicks, and the list goes on and on, we all should know what else and we fill in the blanks…..afterall, they do what they do, all we can do is observe and learn and smiles at everything that comes our way.
Live, life.
ahtiow
adj.
1. Arousing or capable of arousing sympathetic sadness and compassion
2. distressingly inadequate
Work is but a part of life. It‘s not and it shouldn’t be something that takes the life away from you. Some people take work so seriously that they give up big parts of their everyday life in the works, so much so that at the end of the day, they don’t even stop to question themselves if they are happy with the way things are. There are even people who are so much into their works that all it alters their behavior in front of people, at work, and after work. Just why so, well, the way I look at it, it’s yet another irony of the way things have been running since civilization. Is this part of life? Well, yes and no. Yes for as long as we are still in the system, the system and everything in and around the system will inevitably steer things towards the way of the system as the way of life. No, for its just a small part of life, not life in its all encompassing sense. There’s more things to it than those screwy stuff that’s part and parcels of working life. There should be more hours spent off work than at work, there should be things at work that are connected to our life, not disconnect us from it, there should be friends at work, not foes, colleagues should be our friends even after work, not someone that you dread to even say ‘Good Morning’ to, there shouldn’t be a barrier between people working together, rather there should be bonds that makes us clicks, and the list goes on and on, we all should know what else and we fill in the blanks…..afterall, they do what they do, all we can do is observe and learn and smiles at everything that comes our way.
Live, life.
ahtiow
Friday, March 13, 2009
A dedication to you
Here's another sunday morning call
You hear your head-a-banging on the door
Slip your shoes on and then out you crawl
Into a day that couldn't give you more
But what for?
And in your head do you feel
What you're not supposed to feel
You take what you want
But you don't get it for free
You need more time
Cos your thoughts and words won't last forever more
But i'm not sure if it ever works out right
But it's ok. It's alright
When you're lonely and you start to hear
The little voices in your head at night
You will only sniff away the tears
So you can dance until the morning light
At what price ?
And in your head do you feel
What you're not supposed to feel
You take what you want
But you won't get it for free
You need more time
Cos your thoughts and words won't last forever more
But i'm not sure if it ever works out right
But it's ok. It's alright
And in your head do you feel
What you're not supposed to feel
You take what you want
But you won't get it for free
You need more time
Cos your thoughts and words won't last forever more
And i'm not sure if it'll ever, ever, ever work out right
Will it ever, ever, ever work out right?
Cos it never, never, never works out right
No, it will never turn out right, it's only you who makes it right. Be strong, and it will be just fine
Cheers
ahtiow
Here's another sunday morning call
You hear your head-a-banging on the door
Slip your shoes on and then out you crawl
Into a day that couldn't give you more
But what for?
And in your head do you feel
What you're not supposed to feel
You take what you want
But you don't get it for free
You need more time
Cos your thoughts and words won't last forever more
But i'm not sure if it ever works out right
But it's ok. It's alright
When you're lonely and you start to hear
The little voices in your head at night
You will only sniff away the tears
So you can dance until the morning light
At what price ?
And in your head do you feel
What you're not supposed to feel
You take what you want
But you won't get it for free
You need more time
Cos your thoughts and words won't last forever more
But i'm not sure if it ever works out right
But it's ok. It's alright
And in your head do you feel
What you're not supposed to feel
You take what you want
But you won't get it for free
You need more time
Cos your thoughts and words won't last forever more
And i'm not sure if it'll ever, ever, ever work out right
Will it ever, ever, ever work out right?
Cos it never, never, never works out right
No, it will never turn out right, it's only you who makes it right. Be strong, and it will be just fine
Cheers
ahtiow
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