A retreat to ahtiow cave

When I strap my helmet on
I'll be long gone
'Cause I've been dying to leave
Yeah, I'll ride the range and hide all my loose change
In my bedroom

'Cause riding a dirtbike down a turnpike
Always takes it's toll on me

I've had just about enough
Of quote, "diamonds in the rough"
Because my backbone is paper thin
Get me out of this cavern
Or I'll cave in

If the bombs go off
The sun will still be shining
Because we've heard it said that every mushroom cloud
Has a silver lining (Though I'm always undermining too deep to know)



Swallow a drop of gravel and blacktop
'Cause the road tastes like wintergreen
The wind and the rain smell of oil and octane
Mixed with stale gasoline

I'll soak up the sound trying to sleep on the wet ground
I'll get ten minutes give-or-take
'Cause I just don't foresee myself getting drowsy
When cold integrity keeps me wide awake
Get me out of this cavern
Or I'll cave in

I'll keep my helmet on just in case my head caves in
'Cause if my thoughts collapse or my framework snaps
It'll make a mess like you wouldn't believe
Tie my handlebars to the stars so I stay on track

And if my intentions stray
I'll wrench them away
Then I'll take my leave and I won't even look back
I won't even look back

12th August 2010

Been reading my previous few posts, realised how much I have abandoned the blog. And that reminds me of how much I abandoned my feelings inside as well, and the love and promises that I made with myself for her.

Last 2 months has been a fucking roller coaster ride for me and for her. We were thrown everywhere, smacked into everything, sometimes in the same direction, sometimes total opposites, sometimes alone, sometimes we dont even know what was what.

In my efforts to be the strong one for the both of us, I have gave up some other things. And it's only right for me to pull myself back and be the one that she loves.....and in doing so, she too, will be back to her own self, back to be the one that I love (I know, loving someone means to love her no matter what, when and how. Yet, I am not perfect, so, yeah, sometimes I can't stand it when she is not being herself) and need.

Love,
ahtiow

There's something in your eyes, that makes me wanna fall for you

There's something in your eyes, that makes me wanna fall for you, and fall heads over heels we did. Missing you so much, keep that something in your eyes, this is gonna pass and we're gonna be building our lives together.

The way we want it!

Love you!
Lougong

I miss my ahchichi so so much!!!!!

you cried my heart out.

....it was the most heart wrenching cry that I ever heard, and I could not bear to see that sweet little face of yours when you are crying like this, and all the time that you were crying, your hand never left my body and my hands, try as I may to be strong for you, I could not hold my own tears anymore, and we both cried, one silently, the other one out loud.

I never cried like this before, not in the train, not in front of the house, not as sad, not as this. yet, no matter how hard it is for me, one could never fathom how much harder it is for you.

You keep reminding me to take care of myself, to tidy the room, not to cut that deep when I cut my nails, to voice out my frustration if anyone at work is being an ass, and all the small tiny details of my everyday life. You kept asking what will I do when I need someone to talk to, who can I look for to accompany me to JB for my haircut, who will rub my back for me when I couldn't sleep, what can I do when I misses you and a thousand and one what ifs.....all these, while you are crying you heart out. And you cried my heart out too.

I love you like I never loved before and there is much more of your love for me than my love for you.



老婆， 我地要坚强啊！！！！

I cried in a hotel room, watching a music video.

I surprises myself sometime. I actually cried in a hotel room, listening to Alanis's Hand In My Pocket acoustic version video on the 14 inch TV in the room.

It just kind of resonates with the situation that I am in now, being unhappy at this place, working an underpaid job, waiting for the time for me to actually leave and start working for our own.

Yet, the chorus always reminds me of the very old chinese saying "The ship will straightens itself upon reaching the bridge".

And now, I should make the decision when to leave here and start tying all the loose ends.

Love,
ahtiow

我和以前不一样了。。。。。

Saw this on my favorite nephew's FB profile. It is just too sad


.


Behind all those smirks and smiles, we can only guess how broken he is inside.

He may probably not able to walk and run like a perfectly normal person, but hope that's just that. That everything else will and can still 回到以前一样。

Love,
ahku